Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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