her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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