did you get engaged???
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
