I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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