Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
