I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
