Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
