Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
