is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
