I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
