I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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