you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
