it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
