he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
