before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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