Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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