There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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