he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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