She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize