I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
