And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
And then my night got REAL pukey
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
