We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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