i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
