Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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