i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
