I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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