we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
