I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
