Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
