Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
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