cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
