pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
