I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
