Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
