If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
