He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
