dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
