What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize