If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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