i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i will never coherently bang her
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
