Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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