Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
