Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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