we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
