I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize