I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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