Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
