just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
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