it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
