Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
