Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
