there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize