COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
