And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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