Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
