Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
