I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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