Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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