i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Green mimosas i think yes
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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