But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
