i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
