A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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