my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
