It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
