awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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