his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
