I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize