Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
