Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
found the other keg... it's in the tree
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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