she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
